Sexual Intercourse

Defined:
Sexual intercourse is the act of placing the male penis into the female vagina, sometimes for sexual pleasure only, sometimes only to create life, and many times, for both purposes. Although outercourse, which is less risky, puts the couple in similar positions to sexual intercourse, the major difference is that sexual (vaginal) intercourse involves actual penetration beyond the vulva and labia, into the vaginal canal itself. One misconception about sexual intercourse is that it is the hallmark, or definition, of 'having had sex'. That is to say, if you have not had 'sexual intercourse', then you have not 'had sex'. Mutual masturbation and petting aren't 'having sex'; oral sex isn't 'having sex' --- but then, therein lies the misperception. Sex and sexuality are not distinct and separate acts. Having sex includes much, much more than sexual intercourse. Petting, mutual masturbation, oral sex, anal intercourse, and outercourse are all ways to 'have sex'.

It also seems fitting to address some of the questions we have seen raised in the discussion areas of this website that involve tangents from actual penetration.

For instance, if two guys have intercourse, is that the same thing as male-female sexual intercourse. Because of anatomy, two males cannot have vaginal intercourse, but they can have anal intercourse (covered as the next topic). However, from an emotional perspective, what takes place between those two males can be as emotionally and sexually fulfilling as vaginal intercourse is between male and female. Another question is whether it is intercourse if it is an object other than a penis that is used for penetration. For instance, one female can wear a plastic penis and assume the male role, still effecting penetration, or can simply use their hand with a fake penis, vibrator or other object. Is this 'sexual intercourse'? That's a little more difficult to say, though, once again, it can be emotional and fulfilling for those two females as well. Some question whether or not a girl can lose her virginity to an object rather than to a male penis, and we think that this is a discussion for another time.

Negative Consequences:

There is risk of an unwanted pregnancy with full vaginal sexual intercourse, and, as with other advanced sexual behaviors, there is risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease like Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Chlamydia, Herpes, AIDS, HPV, Hepatitis, Trichomoniasis, Pubic Lice (crabs), or Scabies. Another negative consequence of full sexual intercourse, at least for most females, is that there is pain associated with the first several times the vagina is penetrated. It varies greatly for each female - some experience a little pain that is quickly surpassed by the pleasure they feel, while for others, the pain does not really subside immediately and can make the experience fairly unpleasant. Some experience pain the first few times they have intercourse, but with it eventually not being painful at all.

We would be remiss if we did not mention that for some females, there are some negative emotions that can result from sexual intercourse. This is partly because of the sexual disparity between males and females and the double-standard western society experiences and perpetuates. Sometimes the negative emotions come from the idea that they are no longer 'innocent' - that they have left something of their childhood behind. Sometimes the negative emotion comes from the fact that their male partner wasn't really interested in them, but instead, only interested in 'scoring' - or taking the girl's virginity. And sometimes, there is guilt because our society has been taught for many decades that a bride who is not a virgin is not as 'valuable' or 'desirable' as one who is.

We are hopeful that in the near future, more and more sexual equality (including the level of sexual experience) between males and females will change old notions and that this will be less and less of an issue.

Positive Consequences:

While we want to encourage teens to work their way up to full sexual intercourse gradually, we also have to be honest in stating that sexual intercourse is the pinnacle of a fully sexual relationship. With the right partner, the emotional and sexual bond between two people joined temporarily as one is very difficult to explain to someone who has not experienced it. And, of course, we all know that sexual intercourse is the most natural act experienced by our species, and that none of us would be here without it!

Specific Risks:

Unwanted pregnancy is a significant risk if no method of safe-sex is practiced, as is the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases. If a couple has frequent intercourse without using a condom or other method of birth control, an unwanted pregnancy is not a matter of 'IF', but rather, 'WHEN'. On the other hand, using consistent birth control EVERY TIME, takes that risk from over 85% (using none) down to less than 1% (using birth control pills). To be perfectly honest, considering that there are a variety of birth control methods available, and that they change the statistics so drastically in your favor, it is difficult to understand why American teens continue to favor using no method at all. We do know that it has a lot to do with a lack of effective education, lack of easy availability, but mostly to do with the North American attitude towards teens and sex (Just Say No!). Keep in mind that just one method of birth control swings the odds of a safe intercourse dramatically, and that combining methods of birth control (such as birth control pills AND a condom), swing it even more in your favor.

In addition to unwanted pregnancy, full intercourse carries a greater risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease, or of passing one to your partner, than do other sexual behaviors. This because not only is there an actual exchange of fluids between the two bodies, but also because there is prolonged contact between the genitals. While birth control pills, the morning-after pill, and other birth control methods are effective against unwanted pregnancy, they provide no protection at all against STD's. While we are hopeful that additional methods to prevent STD's are in the future, the use of latex or polyurethane condoms (male or female) is the only barrier protecting against passing disease, along with knowing your partner, knowing their sexual history, and being tested for STD's. Any couple seriously considering first sexual intercourse should show their maturity by getting tested together before they make that final move.

While we know that many males either refuse or are reluctant to wear a condom, claiming it makes sex less pleasurable, a more recent option, called the FEMALE CONDOM, is definitely worth trying. One of the main reasons is that most couples polled after using the female condom stated that neither felt any less pleasure. This is partly because instead of adhering to the penis, it adheres to the wall of the vagina. Also, while latex condoms do not transmit heat very well, the Female Condom (which is not latex rubber, but instead a thin plastic) actually transmits the natural heat of the vaginal walls extremely well. Another point is that where the female condom sits on the outside of the vagina, using a soft plastic ring, it often bumps against the clitoris during intercourse, actually increasing the pleasure for the female. On the down side, the female condom is a little difficult to place into the vagina and cannot effectively be used for a first intercourse unless the hymen is mostly already gone, as the upper ring must be pushed upward until it reaches the cervix, where it springs open and holds the upper end of the condom in place. They are also a bit on the expensive side, but worth it if you can afford them.